


Subjugation and Restraint

by shadowshrike



Series: Subjugation and Restraint [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Canonical Character Death, Developing Friendships, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Nohr | Conquest Route, Slow Burn, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-07-22 19:51:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7451863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowshrike/pseuds/shadowshrike
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snapshots of bonds forged through brotherhood, bloodshed, and betrayal.</p><p>A look into the development of Kaze and Xander's relationship over the course of Conquest, closely following the game's chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Second First Meetings

**Author's Note:**

> These are all edited drabbles from [Tumblr](http://shadowshrike.tumblr.com/) that are being re-organized to follow the chronological order of the game and may vastly vary in length for that reason.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during Chapter 16: Invasion.

“Corrin! Behind you!”

Leo’s warning came too late. Corrin heard a blade sing from outside his vision as it swung down at his head. The young prince whirled to face his attacker, but as he moved, he knew with dreadful certainty that the Yato would fail to parry in time. Corrin was too slow and too unprepared to protect himself from a surprise attack among family like this. 

Thankfully, his retainer was not.

In the heartbeat it took for the sword to fall, Kaze was there as a rush of wind, sheltering his prince from the brunt of the blow. With a mighty clang that jammed his shoulders into their sockets and tried to drive him to the ground, Kaze held Corrin’s assailant at bay with his own katana.

The katana almost slipped from his hands when he realized exactly which sword he was barely holding from his liege’s throat, one that no Hoshidan could ever forget once they had laid eyes on it in all its unholy glory: Siegfried. 

Prince Xander was here. Normally, Kaze might consider him a man that he owed his life to like Corrin and Leo, but today the crown prince was attacking his own brother for some unfathomable reason. If this was Xander's way of taking over command, Kaze feared for what would happen to Corrin’s dream of peace.  Corrin may have been the leader in name, but there wasn’t a soldier in the entire Nohrian army who would defy a direct order from Prince Xander. The man wore the burdens of his title like an umbral cloak. It shielded his thoughts from the world just as it demanded the respect of lesser men. His will was law to all in Nohr, save the king himself.

Like so many before him, Kaze felt a powerful compulsion to kneel under the pressure of that lofty gaze. He held firm for Lord Corrin.

“I thought I was clear in my order to leave Nohr,” Xander intoned sternly, confirming Kaze’s suspicions that the prince might also remember their first meeting.

Taking the ninja’s silence as defiance, Xander’s scowl deepened and he used his superior stature to press into Kaze’s guard with Siegfried. Kaze’s arms threatened to buckle under the strain as waves of dark energy crashed over him.

Dear gods, Nohr’s crown prince was strong.

“Peace, Xander! Kaze is my retainer, now!” Corrin hollered, raising his hands and trying to get his older brother’s attention.

“Is that so, little prince?” 

At Corrin's call, Xander’s brutality waned, then vanished as he re-sheathed Siegfried. He turned to greet his brother with a small smirk, leaving a shaken Kaze behind him. 

The ninja thanked the dawn dragon for his training. He would hate to embarrass his liege by letting his fear run rampant. Kaze allowed a cool frown hide the worst of his tremors from the royal family and retainers that surrounded them as he re-sheathed his own blade.

“You’ve chosen well," Xander said. "His reactions are impressive, though yours could still use significant improvement.”

Corrin smiled at Xander’s praise, even though it was chased by an admonition. “We haven’t seen each other in ages, yet the first thing you do is test my reflexes! I guess some people never change.”

Corrin’s cheerful comment put Kaze more at ease, though he kept a suspicious eye on the haughty crown prince. It seemed to them, this was just a familiar game between brothers.

Unbidden, Corrin's laughter brought back fond memories of home and his own brother. Saizo used to test his reflexes like this once upon a time, too. When they were children, it was usually with a potato to the head, and as they grew into young ninja he began using shuriken and traps. A dangerous game, perhaps, but one of the few Kaze ever played with his distant twin. He missed it.

It stung, knowing that their frail bonds of brotherhood would likely be destroyed during this war, but Kaze found some peace watching Corrin’s grin and the answering smiles from his brothers and sisters. Perhaps if  Kaze could not save his own family, he could protect this one.


	2. Duel - Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after Chapter 17 - Den of Betrayal. Kaze doesn't know how to respond to Xander's challenge.

The entire army roiled with unease after witnessing allies becoming enemies before their eyes in Mokushu. Even outside of Hoshido, it seemed trust was a fragile thing. Every retainer stuck close to their lord until they passed well out of the ninjas' territory, hoping it would mark the end their immediate threat.

But for Kaze, distance from Mokushu couldn’t ease his troubled mind. Thoughts of Kagero, Saizo, and his father pressed down on him. Fighting side-by-side with Saizo brought back useless dreams of what might have been and horrifying speculation of what may yet come to pass. If Nohr's march on Hoshido was successful, he would one day stand against his twin again, matching his speed against his brother's strength as Ryoma and Corrin fought for the soul of their respective countries.

Those lingering ghosts of relationships now severed should have been easy to push from his mind - Kaze’s decision to stand with Corrin and Nohr still held firm - but as the troops passed Mokushu’s border, Nohr’s crown prince complicated matters.

While Corrin was away with Flora settling some dispute over mess hall duty, Xander approached Kaze with little pretense and requested a duel between them in the morning. Kaze didn't know what to say, so he agreed (of course he did, what right did he have to refuse the crown prince?). Although Kaze was now practiced at pushing thoughts of his family and home from his mind for Corrin's sake, he couldn’t stop the anxious pattering of his heart when he thought about facing Xander head-on. 

The first time they had crossed blades was more than enough for a lifetime, in Kaze's opinion. He didn't understand why Xander felt it necessary to prove Kaze's weakness again unless it was some sort of punishment.

A sliver of fear wormed its way into Kaze’s heart as he recalled that Xander had seen Kaze and Saizo together for the first time today.  Perhaps this sudden challenge was a test of his loyalty. Perhaps the prince wanted to press him for knowledge of their enemy now that he had learned Kaze was brother to Lord Ryoma’s retainer. If only Kaze could read anything of Xander’s thoughts through his cold, regal bearing.

“Kaze, are you okay?” 

Corrin’s words startled Kaze back to the present. He smiled placatingly at his liege.

“Of course, milord. Why would you believe otherwise?”

Corrin pointed to Kaze’s right hand, which tapped restlessly against his other arm. “You’ve been fidgeting since we escaped Mokushu. I imagine seeing your twin again must have been difficult. If you’re having second thoughts about joining me…”

Stopping that train of thought was worth the risk of insubordination. “It isn’t that. I’m saddened that Saizo and I stand on opposite sides of this war, but I do not regret my decision to follow you.”

“So there is something!”

Kaze blinked once, twice, then realized he had unconsciously admitted that there  _ was _ another worry on his mind. An amused smile glittered in his eyes as he considered his liege.

“Very clever, Lord Corrin.”

The prince waved his hand expectantly. “Well?”

Kaze sighed his resignation; there was no escaping Corrin’s inquiries when he was like this, no matter the shame in bothering someone so important with his insecurities.

“It’s...Prince Xander challenged me to a duel as we were leaving Mokushu. I don’t understand why.” Kaze’s frown deepend the longer he spoke. “In Hoshido, a prince of his stature lowering himself to spar with a mere retainer would be unthinkable. Moreover, I’m concerned that I will disappoint both you and him. His prowess with a blade is unmatched in our army - I will be no contest against his strength or defense in direct combat.”

In fewer words, Kaze felt intimidated. The crown prince was everything Kaze was not: stalwart, unyielding, a leader of men. A lowly ninja had no place facing someone like Xander in single combat.

And yet Corrin smiled kindly in response to Kaze’s fears, saying, “Things are different here in Nohr. Royalty and retainers are partners, not simply servant and master. I do not consider you to be lesser than me in any way, Kaze, and I’m certain my brother believes the same.”

It was of the many things that unsettled Kaze about Nohr, in truth. Seeing street rats serving royalty and Corrin’s siblings protecting their retainers as fiercely as the retainers guarded their masters felt  _ wrong _ . He knew that nobility was born of more than blood, but Kaze couldn’t shake the voice in his head (one that sounded suspiciously like his father’s) which told him no commoner could ever be worthy of a position at a royal’s side. Kaze didn’t voice his misgivings, though, suspecting it would only serve to start an argument with Corrin that he could not win.

“And I don’t think you need to worry about disappointing him,” Corrin continued on. “Xander probably just wants to learn more about you. He’s always been better at speaking his mind through his bladework than his words.”

“Oh?” Kaze asked, perplexed by his lord’s wistful expression.

“When we would spar, he once told me that a single swing of a blade can communicate more than a lifetime of words,” Corrin sighed, at once both a happy and longing sound as he waded through the memories of youth. “I loved listening to his powerful sword cut through the night when he would train long after the rest of us had gone to bed. Those nights, he seemed so much more...genuine.”

Internally, Kaze cringed when Corrin’s face crumbled at that final word. Truth and honesty were so important to his lord, but as a ninja, he knew he would rarely be able to offer either in full. He hoped Corrin never looked so sad for his sake.

“You don’t believe Prince Xander was genuine with you at other times?” Kaze prodded further.

“No, he just…” Corrin huffed as he struggled to explain himself without disparaging the brother he loved, “Xander has always been kind but distant. He has much more responsibility than the rest of us as crown prince, and growing up, it meant he couldn’t often act like a sibling. Watching him train was one of the few times it felt like I was seeing  _ Xander _ rather than just Nohr’s heir.”

So that was it. “You miss your big brother.”

Corrin shook his head in affirmation, “Sometimes I wish he would stop trying so hard to protect us. I worry that he carries too much of Nohr’s burden alone.”

Now it was Kaze’s turn to offer his liege a small, encouraging smile. “I assure you, Lord Corrin, if anyone can manage, it is him. From what I’ve seen, Prince Xander is a most formidable man. It would do him dishonor to doubt his courage and strength.” 

“I didn’t realize you thought so highly of him, Kaze,” Corrin said, cocking his head slightly as if viewing his retainer in a new light.

“Is it truly so surprising? He is the crown prince of Nohr and my liege’s brother.”

Kaze avoided mentioning that Xander also reminded him of Lord Ryoma in many ways, a man the ninja had been trained to respect since birth. Corrin didn’t need to think of the family he had abandoned while he fretted over the one which surrounded him.

“Mm. I guess you’re right,” Corrin hummed. A huge yawn welled from the depths of his chest and took him by surprise, prompting the prince to cover his mouth and rub at tired eyes. “I’m sorry, Kaze, but I think I need to sleep. I look forward to hearing about your match in the morning.”

“I will do my best to make you proud,” Kaze replied with a bow. He took his leave as Corrin crawled into bed, and smiled when gentle snoring carried into the courtyard where he stood watch for the evening. At least one of them would rest easy tonight.

 


	3. Duel - Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also post-Chapter 17: Den of Betrayal. Xander and Kaze have their duel. Roughly follows their B support.

Xander arrived at the training grounds just as a crimson tint engulfed the world with the rising sun. His retainers wouldn’t wake for several hours yet, but he’d learned that the Hoshidan in their midst typically rose with the sun, and Xander had hoped to arrive before Kaze if only to observe his reaction to arriving ‘late’.

That’s what this all was about, after all. A lifetime of assassination attempts and political blackmail had been a harsh but effective teacher to Xander. He took pride in understanding the motivations and grievances of every soldier within his ranks. It wasn’t entirely a matter of prudence, he did honestly enjoy building a rapport with his men, but with his naive, kindhearted younger brother leading them and the apparent meddling of Nohr’s more corrupt generals, Xander resolved to be thorough in his scrutiny of all who would fight alongside them.

Naturally, a Hoshidan pledging his service to Corrin aroused Xander’s suspicions. Xander was used to dealing with the deceptive ways of ninja, but he couldn’t seem to unravel Kaze’s thoughts hidden behind kind deeds and a stoic expression which rivaled that of the crown prince himself. Even when Kaze was a prisoner before the Nohrian throne, he had revealed no secrets of his own or his country. He was utterly impenetrable, just as a ninja should be.

At least, Xander had thought so until saw Kaze speak with his twin - the retainer to high prince Ryoma.

For just a moment when Kaze pled with the other that he didn’t know their father’s killer, Xander saw a flicker of  _ something _ authentic, though whether it was sorrow for their future or regret of their past, he couldn’t say. The tiny tell vanished as swiftly as the ninja did in battle.

That was why Xander took it upon himself to learn the truth directly. No man could hide his heart during one-on-one combat, not even a ninja. They had crossed swords for but a moment before, barely long enough to win Xander’s respect, but after this morning he would know exactly who it was that pledged his blade to Corrin.

“My apologies, Prince Xander. Had I known you intended to start so early, I would have arrived more punctually,” Kaze said as he approached. Once only a few paces away, he dropped to a knee in a respectful bow.

“There is no need to apologize,” Xander replied and gestured for Kaze to stand. “Please, take whatever time you need to prepare. We will begin when you are ready.”

Kaze’s frown tightened almost imperceptibly, but he thanked Xander for his consideration and pulled twin knives from their sheaths to run through warm up katas and stretch. If the prince’s appraising gaze bothered Kaze, he gave no sign. 

Xander took the opportunity to develop an effective plan to fight Kaze. For all his strength, Xander could never hope to match the speeds at which the ninja moved, even while only loosening his muscles. Nor could he manage those acrobatic stunts that Kaze performed like he was a wild thing belonging to the sky rather than a mere soldier. 

The man was a wonder to behold as he was meant to be - unshackled and free. What a shame their first meeting had deprived Xander of this sight.

With a minute shake of his head, Xander forced his admiration to subside. No, he could not match Kaze’s quickness or agility, so he would have to force the other to stand his ground against Siegfried’s might. It would be a test of the ninja’s cleverness to avoid being pinned and overpowered. Although Kaze had managed to hold against Xander the first time they met, the prince had felt Kaze waver and nearly fall after their initial clash. This time, Xander would press his advantage until Kaze yielded.

“Thank you for waiting, Prince Xander. I’m ready to begin,” Kaze called after finishing his final kata. He straightened from his crouch to salute Xander. 

The prince nodded and drew Siegfried from its sheath in silent acknowledgment, basking in the pulse of dark power that washed over their battlefield. Curious to see if he could catch the fear that always followed unleashing Siegfried’s might, Xander met the eyes of his opponent.

This time, it was Xander who almost dropped his sword.

Kaze’s eyes glinted like nothing he had ever seen in the bloody light of dawn. Flecks of amethyst as hard and sharp as diamonds cooly assessed the darkness before him, undaunted. That gaze belonged to one who willingly thrust himself into the heart of shadow, turning from all comfort of home and family to achieve something greater than himself. And in that moment, Xander knew Kaze would not fail.

As suddenly as it appeared, the ferocity bled from Kaze’s eyes. “Prince Xander? Is something wrong?”

“My apologies,” Xander offered, resetting his stance. “I momentarily lost my concentration as we were about to start.”

“Think nothing of it.” Kaze returned to his ready position as well, but his eyes didn’t yet return to their earlier intensity. When a vast silence yawned between them, Kaze gave voice to the inevitable question lurking in that void, “May I ask what caught your attention?” 

There was no point in hiding it. Xander answered truthfully, “Your eyes...Your resolve is clearly different from when we last fought. Whatever drives you now, I believe it will allow you to achieve incredible things.”

Shock fluttered through Kaze’s eyes and for a moment Xander swore his cheeks colored, though it may have been a trick of the rising sun. 

“Prince Xander….” he murmured.

“I’m honored to have the chance to spar with someone like you, Kaze.” Perhaps ‘thrilled’ was more appropriate. Xander’s excitement pulsed through his veins and Siegfried in fearsome waves.  “Now, let us begin!”

Kaze’s features reset into their hard mask. “Very well.”

And when their blades finally clashed, Kaze erased any lingering skepticism of his devotion from Xander’s mind.


	4. Remorse and Respect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post Chapter 18: Black & White. Kaze struggles with seeing the Hoshidan royal family for the first time since his betrayal. Partially follows their A support.

Kaze didn’t know what he was supposed to feel, seeing Hoshido’s royal family again. Since pledging his service to Corrin, he knew had performed honorably and dutifully. Kaze followed every tenant he had been taught in service of the royal family to the letter, from assuring Corrin's weapons were well looked after to protecting his liege in battle no matter the cost. Such loyalty was the lifeblood of Hoshido, he had been told. Yet Kaze doubted they cared about his devotion now. 

If Lord Ryoma and the others looked down upon him as a traitor, as a disgrace to his family and country, he could not deny that shame.

But they didn’t. They scarcely glanced at him at all during dinner, much more focused on exchanging harsh words with their Nohrian counterparts than acknowledging a man they barely remembered. A reminder that Kaze, a common ninja, a second-born, was nothing to any of them. 

Even his twin only looked at him once, the glare of one enemy retainer towards another. It was no different than the scowl he wore as he sized up Laslow and Peri - a sure sign that their brotherhood was dead and buried after Mokushu.

When dinner finally ended and the royals all retired to their various rooms to rest, Lord Corrin released Kaze of his duties for the night. He knew that his liege intended for him to get some extra sleep while he could, but Kaze couldn’t quiet his mind after the ambush earlier and hours of listening to squabbling siblings. His fingertips twitched with uneasy energy, and his legs shifted restlessly in bed. Eventually, he sighed and stood, slipping silently into the courtyard outside.

Kaze could breathe more easily in the fresh air. He had missed this in Nohr - even a single whiff of floral trees and fresh fruits on the breeze eased the tension gripping him. Attempting to decisively settle the shameful ache in his chest, Kaze wandered the grounds until he found a spectacular magnolia blooming in delicate pinks and whites. It would do nicely. 

Kaze kneeled beneath its serene branches. Closing his eyes and breathing deeply as he’d been instructed so many years ago, Kaze let his mind drift, letting go of the chaos which plagued it.

“I didn’t expect to see you out here.”

Kaze cracked an eye at the interruption. He was uncertain of how long he had been sitting there, absent from the world, meditating. When his scattered thoughts caught up with who stood before him in the present, Kaze immediately scrambled forward into a proper bow. “Prince Xander! I apologize, I didn’t hear your approach.”

“Peace, Kaze,” Xander said, lifting a hand. “Corrin informed me that you’re off duty for the evening.”

“That doesn’t excuse my inattention,” Kaze insisted with a shake of his head.

The prince’s frown deepened enough that Kaze had to fight the urge to flinch from his strict expression. “There is nothing shameful about taking adequate time to relax while we are able. My own retainers are enjoying this rare chance to rest. Do you think them lowly for that?”

“Of course not. I know both Laslow and Peri are completely dedicated to their duties,” Kaze replied. 

Strange though they might be as retainers, certainly a far cry from Saizo and Kagero’s ilk, Kaze had come to appreciate their particular brand of loyalty since marching with Nohr. They might not carry themselves like typical servants, but their love for their lord held second to none. An easy feat, Kaze supposed, when they served someone as gallant as Prince Xander.

“Then why do you demand so much more of yourself?” Xander pressed on.

“I…” Kaze trailed off, unsure of how he should answer.

Being the reason for Kaze's drive to repent, Corrin already knew the truth, but telling Prince Xander seemed unwise despite the man's penchant for discretion. Expressing regret over failing to prevent Corrin’s kidnapping might not be well received, given that he was talking to the kidnapper’s son. If that day hadn’t happened, Corrin and Xander would never had come to know each other as brothers.

He settled for saying, “There are things I need to atone for.”

“Negligence?”

“Of a sort.”

“Hm.” 

Xander paused for a long moment, pinning Kaze with an inscrutable, cold stare. Leo may have been the genius in the family, but Kaze felt more vulnerable to having his secrets unraveled beneath Xander’s hard gaze than he ever had while speaking with the the clever youngest prince. There was a severity of purpose about Xander which promised nothing could stand in his way. If he wished to learn Kaze’s mind, the ninja feared he might not be able to keep his silence for long.

What a stain he was on his family’s name, crumbling at nothing but a glare.

But Xander seemed content with Kaze's answer for now. His gaze softened from probing steel to neutral stone as he decisively changed the subject, “Well, as long as I have you here, I wanted to thank you for our sparring session the other day.”

“The pleasure was all mine,” Kaze answered by rote. This was safer territory; he could perform this dance of pleasantries between royals and their retainers in his sleep. “Your skill with a blade is unparalleled.”

Kaze anticipated the easy thanks that would follow and allow them to part ways amicably.

“I’m not so sure. It’s rare that a sparring session ends in a draw for me.”

A flash of embarrassment and pride shot through Kaze at Xander’s apparent misstep. 

Why would Xander compliment Kaze again though he knew he was far superior? Was this not how these things went in Nohr between master and servant? Perhaps this was a political exchange Kaze had never seen?

“Ah…” Kaze struggled to find his words, fearing he might offend. “I’m sure I was just fortunate.”

“You are too humble, Kaze. I learned much from facing you,” Xander asserted. 

Kaze gave thanks for the darkness which hid the heat he could feel burning on his cheeks at such high praise from someone so much greater than himself. “Oh?”

“Yes. Your resolve impressed me. It made me realize that...”

Flora’s shout across the courtyard broke their strange circling of one another before Xander could bewilder the ninja any further with his compliments.

“Kaze! So you are still awake.” She bowed to Xander as she approached, running across the grounds towards them. “Lord Corrin said you might be roaming around and insisted that I see you to bed to ensure you don’t stand guard the whole night.”

Kaze nervously eyed Xander. “I’m…”

The crown prince waved his hand, giving them both leave to go. “We will continue this discussion another time. Until then, take time to rest, Kaze. You do us no good exhausted.”

“Of course, milord,” Kaze answered, bowing alongside Flora before the two returned to their rooms for the night.

This time, much to his surprise, sleep found Kaze readily. As he lay there, expecting his mind to whirl while he deciphered the crown prince's behavior, the nervous warmth from Xander's praise slowly waned and spread into a comforting blanket around him. Kaze mused how strange it was that a few words of flattery could drown the voice in his head that usually whispered his failures long into the night. He thought he was immune to such empty words.

Perhaps it wasn't the words, but the man behind them which gave them such power. Corrin was truly blessed to have found this new family, as was he.

 


	5. Loyalty's Cost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post Chapter 19: Kitsune Lair. Xander questions Corrin about what would make a man as devoted as Kaze turn his back on his people.

Xander mulled over what he should say to Corrin as he marched towards his brother’s tent, legs aching from fighting such a long battle on foot rather than horseback. It was hardly the first time Xander had approached one of his siblings about their retainers. Usually he was passing along reprimands to Camilla or Leo after troubling reports crossed his desk. This was the first time he’d simply been, for lack of a better word, curious.

Between their duel and fighting side-by-side on the battlefield, Xander had learned to trust Kaze these past months. He was brave, loyal, honorable, and kind - if the man was a knight rather than a ninja, Xander might have called him chivalrous. And yet, every time Xander spoke with Kaze, he found himself puzzled.

Something unseen weighed on Kaze, something heavy enough to turn the man’s exceptionally devoted spirit against clan and country to favor Corrin. Every glimpse past the ninja’s stoic facade, every pained word that slipped through his control, every blush and stutter when Xander spoke highly of his skills drove a shard of anxiety deeper into the prince’s mind. It wasn’t that he feared Kaze would betray them; no, more like he feared for Kaze himself. He knew the signs of self-loathing buried beneath duty too intimately to ignore them.

At the beginning of this war, he would have thought it absurd - the crown prince of Nohr worrying over the wellbeing of a Hoshidan turncoat - but here he stood at Corrin’s door. 

“Corrin, might I have a word?” Xander called.

“Of course, Xander!” came his brother’s happy cry as the door swung open. Corrin ushered the other inside with a bright smile, “I feel like I haven’t seen you outside of battle or war councils in forever. I would love to spend time with you.”

Xander’s chagrin almost overtook his schooled expression. Even now, he wasn’t here for his family as he should be. He knew it was necessary to distance himself, but hearing Corrin ask for him so plainly stung more than he expected. “I’m sorry, little prince. I haven’t meant to neglect you.”

“I understand. We’ve both been busy.”

“Yes, we have,” Xander acknowledged. He allowed himself a small luxury, smiling at his little brother, “You’re doing well leading this army.”

A heartfelt grin won over Corrin’s face in return, so much easier than it ever came to the rest of them. Perhaps even this terrible war couldn’t stain their sheltered brother’s innocent soul. Xander gave thanks for that small gift.

“Thank you, brother,” Corrin answered cordially. It struck Xander that the young prince now sounded like one general speaking to another rather than a boy who idolized his big brother. Ah, but the war _had_ changed him. “So what brings you here? I thought you’d be tending to the horses tonight. They seemed restless after that close call with the kitsune.”

It was a miracle the horses survived at all. Kaze had warned them of the kistune’s appetite for horse flesh in advance, saving the army from certain defeat if they had lost their steeds to hungry animals before marching on the castle. Unfortunately, dismounting for battle had meant few remained to protect the helpless horses who waited by the caravan. 

No one had noticed a stay fox-beast slipping away from its pack once the battle turned against them. As it neared its prey, the thing’s illusions easily fooled the few remaining guards. Only Kaze’s unearthly speed saved the horses from more than just a scare when the beast lunged in a flash of fire and fangs. A Hoshidan, doubly Nohr’s hero for the day.

Xander almost felt sorry for the humble man. There wasn’t a rider in the army who didn’t want to impart their gratitude after that miraculous stunt.

“That’s why I’m here. I wanted to ask you about Kaze,” Xander explained, a bit blunter than he intended. 

Corrin’s scarlet gaze turned thoughtful at the odd request, “Oh? I recall he told me a while back that you challenged him to a duel. I completely forgot to ask him how it went. I hope he was up to your standards.”

“Indeed. He’s a skilled and driven warrior; he even managed to fight me to a draw. You are lucky to have him at your side,” replied Xander. His lips tightened in an almost-smile at the memory. “That brings me to my question - why did Kaze pledge to you?”

“If you are worried about him turning traitor…” Corrin began uneasily.

Xander cut him off, “No, it isn’t that. I witnessed the same as everyone how his knowledge and prowess saved us today. He’s gone above and beyond his duty to Nohr on more than one occasion.”

The alarm faded from Corrin’s frame. “Then why do you ask?”

“Curiosity,” Xander answered honestly. As honestly as he could speak to Corrin, anyway.  In a secret part of his heart Corrin could never be allowed to see, Xander silently tucked away his personal concerns about how lowly Kaze seemed to think of himself, almost to the point of obsession. “It takes something exceptional to turn a man like that against his homeland and his family. What are you to him, exactly?”

The younger brother blanched and stuttered, “A-Ah, it’s nothing like that!” When Xander only cocked an eyebrow, Corrin realized he hadn’t meant romantically. Sheepishly, Corrin continued, “He just...he thought that he owed me from a long time ago. He was so guilt-ridden that I couldn’t deny him a little solace by accepting his services.”

“And what was it that he owed you?”

“I...I don’t know if I should tell you that.”

Scarlet eyes fell to the floor, weighing the secrets of his retainer against the love of his brother. It was unfair for Xander to take advantage of his position to force Corrin into speaking, but he couldn’t simply let it lie. Not after he had gone through so much trouble to learn the truth.

“Corrin, you know you needn’t keep secrets from me,” Xander prodded gently.

As predicted, Corrin folded, like a man starving for a chance at his big brother’s affection. Xander willed himself not to think about that too deeply.

“You’re right,” the younger prince admitted with a heavy sigh. He closed his eyes as he recounted the story his retainer had told him, not wanting to see Xander’s reaction. “Kaze was there the day I was kidnapped from Hoshido. It...haunted him. He blamed himself for seeing Nohrian soldiers around and not reporting it, leading to the ambush that killed my father and took me away from them.”

“He must’ve only been a boy,” Xander murmured, more to himself than to Corrin.

Memories better left buried flooded back, of children mangled at their siblings’ hands and mother’s orders. Of powerlessness and guilt that never faded regardless of how he had changed since then. Youth felt too flimsy an excuse in the face of such horrors.

No wonder Kaze turned from his compliments. Some days, Xander longed to hide from his comrades’ praise as well.

“That’s what I said!” Corrin exclaimed, and his eyes flew open again. “But Kaze insisted that as a ninja trained to serve since birth, he had failed in his duty. Failed me. And so he believed his life belonged to me ever since.” The young prince shook his head sadly. “What could I do to ease his pain other than agree?”

What, indeed. Xander felt a strong compulsion to discover that for himself, though whether for Kaze’s sake or to escape his own regrets, he didn’t know.

“I see. Most enlightening. Thank you, Corrin,” Xander allowed, effectively ending the conversation. 

When Xander stepped back, preparing to take his leave and return to a long night of strategy and paperwork, he noticed a flash of frustration in his brother’s eyes. The army needed Xander to prepare lest they fall during the final, difficult charge into Hoshidan territory. As always, Corrin led the army, and the crown prince ensured their victory. 

But with the memories of so many dead brothers and sisters ripe in his mind, Xander concluded maybe his sibling needed him as more than a general tonight. 

Xander diverted his course towards the door to take a seat instead. “Now, how have you been, Corrin?”


	6. Borderline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post Chapter 20: Winds of Change. As they near the final push into Hoshido, Kaze tries to manage his inner conflict through work around camp. Xander's slightly intoxicated state and Kaze's inability to entertain others' admiration of him complicates matters. Partially follows their A support.

Kaze sighed as he helped yet another drunken soldier back to their tent, catching her by the shoulder just before she collapsed into her sleeping arrangements head-first and left the still-sober Kaze to re-pitch her shelter on his own. He’d already made that mistake once tonight. Another lady he’d been escorting tripped and dragged him down on top of her tent. It took him nearly half an hour to clean the resulting mess since she mostly laid there staring at him, clearly too intoxicated to help.

Honestly, he hated nights like this, where half the army was so inebriated it would be a wonder if they remembered their names in the morning, and the other half was sleeping or “sleeping” the day’s troubles away. Still, he wouldn’t begrudge the others their last hurrah before the final march towards Hoshido’s capital. Fear did terrible things to the hearts of even the bravest men. Better they prepare themselves for death now than realize their regrets in the heat of battle.

Kaze had no interest in imbibing himself, despite Corrin giving his leave. Though the young prince had retired early tonight, weary from his trial with the Wind Tribe, there was double the work to be done around camp with reckless soldiers at every juncture. Kaze’s ninja training had taught him to find peace in performing menial tasks rather than indulging in carnal pleasures, so that was how he intended to spend the night.

Serenity would have been easier to claim if remembering his training didn’t also bring back memories of the home he was invading.

“Kaze! I’ve been looking for you,” a suspiciously warm baritone called from nearby. Kaze started at his name and turned to find Xander walking towards him, as regal and stern as ever but with a faint flush under his pale skin.

It seemed the crown prince showed solidarity with his men in ways Kaze hadn’t expected.

“Is there something you need, Prince Xander?” Kaze asked, keeping his voice low to avoid waking the cavalier he’d just dragged to bed. “Ah, would you mind if we move to somewhere a little more private? I’d rather not disturb the troops who are trying to rest.”

Xander nodded and gestured for Kaze to follow as he stepped off towards a wooded area nearby. “Of course, Kaze. The army always comes first.”

Refreshing words if Kaze had ever heard them. With so much carelessness in camp tonight, it was good to know someone like Prince Xander still had his priorities straight. Not that Kaze doubted him after fighting by his side for so long.

When they had retreated far enough from camp that Kaze could hear the quiet buzz of insects rather than the murmur of soldiers prolonging their last night before the real battle began, he realized that Xander had stopped and was staring at him. Suddenly vividly aware of his rank, his heritage, and the imposing stature of the only other man out here, Kaze swallowed uneasily. 

“So what did you wish to speak to me about?” Kaze ventured, pleased to hear his voice stayed steady.

Xander’s expression didn’t shift. His ominous focus bored into the ninja’s eyes as if he was preparing to pass judgement on Kaze’s fate. Maybe he was.

“I wanted to finish our discussion from earlier. About our duel.”

Kaze cocked his head. “Oh?”

“Yes,” Xander confirmed, nodding tightly. “I was talking about your resolve. When I enter the battlefield, I try to maintain proper determination. But you...The unwavering focus in your eyes caught me off guard. Seeing such conviction in you, I realized doubt still dwells somewhere in my own heart.”

Kaze chuckled lowly despite himself. How ridiculous that someone like the crown prince would think Kaze so certain in his judgement. Treachery hounded his heart more veraciously with every step closer to Castle Shirasagi - no matter what he did from here on, he would be traitor to either his country or his lord. He only appeared steadfast because had no choice but to forge onward and protect the men and women he had pledged his life to.

At Xander’s questioning glance, Kaze elaborated on what little of his thoughts he dared to share, “Doubt dwells in the hearts of all men, Prince Xander.” He chanced a small smile. “But, for what it’s worth, I believe you, of all people, have the strength to overcome it.”

The answering smile that cracked Xander's imperious facade was so unsettlingly appreciative that Kaze knew it had to be the alcohol's influence. It was like Nohr’s sunlight peeking through stormy clouds, all the more brilliant for its rarity. His warmth touched Kaze's heart and pushed back the coldness that had rooted itself within him since forsaking Hoshido's sunny lands, leaving a pleasant tranquility in its wake, much like the night they'd spoken with the Hoshidan royal family. Even Corrin's approval hadn't managed that as of late.

Perhaps there was some fundamental difference between pleasing a liege you had sworn yourself to, no matter how beloved, and the heir to the throne himself. Briefly, Kaze wondered if this was what Saizo felt when Ryoma rewarded him for his service. He then ruthlessly crushed that train of thought.

Xander’s voice rumbled as warm and welcoming as his smile, “You are too kind, my friend.” Kaze blinked owlishly at the casual title - he didn’t realize Xander considered them friends, though he couldn’t say he was displeased at the revelation. “All I can do is continue striving to better myself. Doubt is no excuse not to trust the path I believe in and push forward.” A heavy hand landed on Kaze’s shoulder and squeezed. “It is because of you I was able to reconfirm these thoughts. Thank you, Kaze.”

The weight of Xander’s sincere words and his steady gaze left Kaze’s mouth too dry to answer immediately. He wasn’t deserving of such high praise, especially not from a man of Xander’s standing. But staring into those mildly intoxicated yet serious crimson eyes, ones that looked at him as a friend rather than a mere retainer, Kaze wished he was. 

He wished he was like his brother - strong, skilled, worthy of serving a king. Kaze loved Lord Corrin dearly and had no regrets pledging to him, but some dark, secret corner of Kaze’s mind still seethed in jealousy over his twin’s status as retainer to the high prince. Then again, ‘friend’ to Nohr's crown prince might be a more prestigious honor.

Noticing he had stayed quiet too long, Kaze forced out, “I am humbled to hear you say that.”

That fond look returned to Xander’s face, making Kaze wonder once again whether the other was more inebriated than his coordination suggested. “I thank the gods I was able to get to know you. I will always treasure my time fighting by your side.”

Something in Kaze seized so fiercely at Xander's admiring words that he didn’t know if he could find a response, but thankfully he didn’t have to. As fate would have it, Laslow appeared at just that moment from the direction of camp. His smile ran haggard around the edges, as if he’d been hunting for his liege for hours.

“There you are, milord!”

Xander’s expression shifted back to the stone Kaze was more familiar with, and his hand dropped from Kaze’s shoulder. He turned to address his retainer, “Laslow. What news?”

When he felt the pressure of both Xander and Kaze’s eyes on him, Laslow dipped his chin bashfully. “Ah...There’s been a few brawls breaking out and Peri and I are having some trouble keeping them contained. I was hoping you might be free to assist us?”

Xander heaved an annoyed sigh, “Very well.” He looked back at his conversation partner, and the corners of his mouth faintly lifted again for a moment. “Thank you for the chat, Kaze.”

“The pleasure was all mine,” Kaze replied, bowing respectfully as the two took their leave.

It wasn’t until later that night, when he was exhausted and crawling into his own bed at long last, that Kaze knew he’d never before meant that pleasantry so honestly.

  
  
  



	7. End of Innocence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Chapter 21: Eternal Stairway. Kaze comes to a realization about what he and Xander share in common.

Kaze perched outside the crown prince’s tent, silent and motionless in the darkness, his movements arrested not by conscious choice or his ninja training, but by a nameless fear. An unearthly stillness hung in the air, warning Kaze that he stood on the fringe of something momentous. There was a decision before him.

In that quiet, Xander’s portentous words echoed.

_“There is no time for tears. This is a war. If you let one death stop you from fighting with all your heart, we will not prevail.”_

The power of the prince’s words, intended for Lord Corrin, twisted into Kaze’s mind, sharp as a blade.

They were not as simple as they seemed - an offering from one brother to comfort another or the wisdom of a seasoned general to a greenhorn struggling to find their footing. No, There was something else buried in their depths; a place none but Kaze seemed inclined to travel. 

_“You must stand tall, swallow your sorrow, and fight until the bitter end. If you waver, your troops will waver too. You must not allow that to happen. “_

These were words the prince had clearly spoken before. His personal mantra. 

It was Xander's plea. Not to Corrin, but to the world. He was desperate to make sense of the horrors made flesh by his hands, longing to find meaning in the endless sorrow demanded by his crown.

It was a reminder. A confirmation of duty and purpose. He clawed for some justification grand enough to bear the weight of his sins, hoping that he had good still within him, somewhere beneath his suffering and that of those he held dear.

_“Search your soul and find strength in your resolve. No matter what happens, don't ever stop fighting.“_

But most importantly, it was an oath. To carry on and bear the burdens Lord Corrin could not. Xander would be his brother’s strength, even if it tore him asunder. Even if this wicked war, which did nothing but take and destroy, cost him his soul, his resolve would see Corrin’s dream a reality. 

It was the same oath Kaze had made. The same Xander had seen in his eyes and praised him for all that time ago. And once he accepted that, the decision was easy.  
  
Kaze slipped within the lip of the tent, no more than another of Nohr’s endless shadows. The prince didn’t acknowledge his approach until Kaze spoke.  
  
“Prince Xander, I wish to aid you in the invasion of Hoshido.”

At last, there was no doubt in his path.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait on such a short chapter! At least one more should be up soon (where they finally kiss) since it's already written. 
> 
> If you're wondering where I disappeared to, most of my time has been eaten up by [RPing as Xander on Tumblr](pillarofnohr.tumblr.com) lately, so fic writing and editing time has been severely reduced. I'm still going to do my best to finish this for the few readers following along!


	8. First Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before Chapter 22: Sakura. The title really says it all.

Kaze and Xander stood hunched over the prince’s desk, discussing Kaze’s unique knowledge of Hoshido and how it could assist them in the final stages of their invasion: the secret passages that wound throughout Castle Shirasagi, what tactics the ninja would use to impede their assault, and the strengths and weaknesses of Hoshido’s most formidable guardians - their royalty. Every question Xander posed was answered precisely and without hesitation. With ruthless efficiency, Kaze detailed his homeland’s weaknesses to the best of his knowledge, redrawing portions of Xander’s maps and pointing to the choke points which could hold the Nohrian army long enough to call reinforcements if they approached the situation too brashly.

If Xander was honest, it unsettled him to see first-hand how easily and completely a devoted man like Kaze had turned against his country.

Mid-sentence about where the ballistae might be stationed to hold off Nohr’s cavalry, Kaze stuttered and stopped when another hand gently drew his away from the map.

“Kaze, I am grateful for your cooperation,” Xander interrupted. “But are you certain you are comfortable with this? Ensuring your homeland’s conquer by sharing their secrets with us?”

The ninja blinked slowly as his face turned to meet the crown prince, frown deepening in concern. “Do you not trust me, Lord Xander? I have sworn my fealty to Lord Corrin, and by extension, to Nohr. If there is anything I can do to aid the war effort, it is my duty to see it through.”

“I do not doubt your loyalty. But I have to wonder: do you truly feel no conflict over such actions?” Xander questioned.

Even as the crown prince of Nohr, born and bred to do whatever was necessary to bring hope to his people, carrying out this war of aggression tortured Xander’s thoughts. Only his intense determination to save his country granted him enough strength to lift Siegfried and lead his men to take more lives. He knew Kaze held a similar determination in his heart - he had to with the choices he had made - but the callous disregard the ninja showed for his own countrymen felt at odds with the kind soul Xander had seen aiding Nohrian soldiers without need for reciprocation.

Kaze’s fingers flexed into a loose fist beneath Xander’s lingering hand. “I know it is inappropriate, but may I speak freely, Lord Xander?”

“Please.”

“I know my people have no hope against the desperation of the Nohrian army,” Kaze sighed. His eyes fell to the castle map they had poured over for the past three hours, now scarcely recognizable with layers of inky revisions added to the original piece. “However, they are intelligent and have vast resources at their disposal. If I do nothing, this war will drag on and casualties on both sides will escalate to terrible numbers. Ensuring Nohr’s quick victory is the only way to achieve a peace that doesn’t isn’t bought with years of blood and suffering. That is what Lord Corrin would want, and thus, my desire as well.” 

His eyes fell shut, and he continued in a whisper, “I am already a traitor to my home and my family. At least this way, I may yet save a few lives.”

“I’m sorry we must ask this of you,” Xander admitted. He heard the words ring hollow even as they left his lips, and his hand squeezed around Kaze’s in an unconscious apology.

“Do not apologize, Lord Xander. I am moved that you have given me this opportunity to affect the course of the battle at all,” Kaze replied, his head falling forward in a polite bow. “If I am able to do any good, it is only through your grace.”

Though the ninja’s voice remained as earnest as ever, something itched in Xander’s mind that there was more left unsaid, and with Kaze’s feathery locks to hiding his expression, it was impossible to tell what that might be. Calmly, Xander lifted Kaze’s chin and forced their eyes to meet.

Those purple eyes, usually full of unwavering resolve, trembled.

“You’re afraid,” Xander observed.

“I…” Unable to hide, Kaze swallowed and forced himself to continue. “Yes, I am.”

“Why?”

“It is shameful to speak of. Ninja spend our lives in the shadows, expecting nothing from the world but to take lives and give their own for the sake of our lords. And yet, I find myself fearing what loneliness awaits a traitor like myself when this war comes to an end. I will only have Lord Corrin.” Kaze’s eyes squeezed shut angrily. “It should be enough.”

But it wasn’t. Xander knew it wasn’t because his too-long nights were filled with the same agony. He knew that heartache born from virtuous solitude, from resigning to be a symbol rather than a person, from giving everything, including your soul itself, to service. It was so very lonesome.

And yet here was another who shared that seclusion. Someone who understood. Maybe they could both be allowed some small comfort in their mutual isolation.

Xander hadn’t noticed how intimately they had drifted while he mused, and Kaze’s eyes were still shut tight. Acting on impulse as he hadn’t in years, Xander closed the tiny gap that remained and pressed their mouths together in a soft kiss.

Kaze started at the sudden touch. He let loose a soft gasp that melded into a sigh when Xander took the opportunity to seal their lips more firmly. It wasn’t a smouldering kiss that stoked passion between them, nor the fumbling overtures of two blushing virgins, but a quiet meeting of kindred spirits long lost to the darkness. Kaze turned his hand on the table underneath Xander’s, intertwining their fingers in a silent acceptance of the feelings long denied to them both.

When they parted, neither spoke another word about what had transpired for the remainder of the evening. They set back to the task at hand with renewed vigor, determined to walk the path of sacrifice they had chosen to protect those most dear to them. 

Now, at least, they no longer walked alone.


	9. Pyrrhic Pardon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post Chapter 24: Hinoka. King Garon discovers that Kaze is still alive despite his orders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who read Moments in Time, this is a modified version of one of those chapters to fit better into this plotline. And yes, I skipped Chapter 23, sadly. There is some juicy angst in that one, but I wasn't able to get it to work and I didn't want to delay any longer.

“Father, you requested my presence?”

King Garon’s thunderous glower shot a spike of worry down the crown prince’s spine. Xander knew that expression; he was about to be punished for something. He prayed it wasn’t Hinoka’s escape. If his father suspected anything amiss with the death of Hoshido’s eldest princess, the disaster to follow for his siblings and all of Hoshido would be immeasurable.

“Iago has informed me of your treachery, Xander. I warned of you of the price of disobedience!” Garon spat viciously.

Xander’s visage darkened at the name of the king’s treacherous illusionist. They were so close to the Hoshidan throne and finishing this war, yet that man seemed to derive perverse joy from provoking the slaughter of as many people as possible before that end.

“What did Iago tell you? I assure you, I have been nothing but faithful to your orders,” Xander lied with a practiced confidence.

“I thought you might say that, Prince Xander, which is why I brought evidence of your insubordination.”

A wicked cackle from the tent’s entrance drew Xander’s furious glare. Of course the slimy sorcerer was here in person. Xander would take great pleasure in beating the twisted grin from Iago’s face for accusing him of treason against Nohr.

But when he saw what proof Iago held in tow, the prince’s scowl faltered. The tactician shoved a shackled ninja to his knees in front of the two royals.

“Kaze…!” Xander breathed, ignoring Iago’s smirk.

Garon’s gauntlets clawed at his armrests and he boomed, “Did I not order this man to die, child? And to kill any who stood in the way of carrying out that task?”

“Yes, father.”

“Then explain why he lives and fights amongst your soldiers before I have your head and his.”

Terror he hadn’t felt since he was a frail child trembling before his father’s rage gripped Xander’s heart. Not for himself - no, the crown prince had long since stamped out any fear of his own death - but for the man chained at his feet. 

A Hoshidan who had betrayed his country, even his twin, for the sake of Corrin’s peaceful ideals. A soldier who fought loyally beside a host of strangers who would sooner see him dead than thank him for his service. A dear friend, closer than any Xander had allowed himself since he vowed to banish his weaknesses for the sake of Nohr and his family.

Such a man did not deserve to be met with execution.

Head bowed, Kaze acknowledged nothing of Iago’s taunts or Garon’s demands. He simply awaited judgement in accepting silence, an unsettling mirror of the first time he kneeled in chains before the Nohrian throne.

This time, there was no Corrin to beg the king to show mercy, nor Leo to spare his life through clever deception. Only Xander stood between Kaze and certain death.

He prayed Kaze would forgive him for what he had to say.

“I spared his life because I found him entertaining,” Xander explained, sporting the unfeeling tone of a conqueror by birthright. “He has proven to be a capable soldier for Nohr during our invasion and a welcome distraction on cold nights. A convenient spoil of war, you might say.”

“Hmph, I see,” Garon rumbled thoughtfully.

Immediately, Iago resumed his sniveling, “Surely, that cannot be enough to satisfy you, sire..!”

“You have been watching us closely, have you not Iago? I assume you have been taking note of our private evenings spent in my tent?” Xander snarled, turning his fury back on the coward.

“Well, yes, but…”

“Then you should be well aware of the amusement this man provides me,” the prince concluded.

Iago could not deny his words. Without being present, he had no way of knowing those long nights were spent toiling over maps of Hoshido and trading an occasional kiss at most rather than sharing a bed. An ugly sneer and a nod were all he offered.

Satisfied he had neutered Iago’s argument for now, Xander reasoned with his father, “You have always impressed upon me virtues of another to warm your bed, father, especially during war. I beseech you, let me have him.”

A wild, cruel laugh echoed throughout the tent.

“So my boy has finally become a man. Very well, Xander, if he pleases you so, I will show the ninja mercy until this war is over and you no longer have need of his services. Once Hoshido is under my control, I will find you a proper wife. Then you can finish his execution.”

Xander should have known a pardon was too much to hope for. At least now he would have more time to develop a plan.

“Of course, father. Thank you,” he replied with a bow.

“You are dismissed. Take your plaything with you.”

* * *

 

The ninja hadn’t spoken a word since Xander lead him out of his father’s tent, intimidating Iago into fleeing the scene before the crown prince lost his patience. Xander removed Kaze’s shackles himself.

“Kaze, I apologize for what I said to my father about you,” Xander murmured, stroking the ninja’s hands as the cold metal fell away. He attempted to rest a hand on Kaze’s shoulder, but the other man neatly dodged out of the way and turned to face him.

“Don’t trouble yourself, Lord Xander,” Kaze insisted, face and voice schooled with a ninja’s control. “I’ve always been aware of the nature of our relationship. I am but a lowly ninja and you, Nohr’s heir.”

Xander glowered at the slight on his character. “I’ve never thought of you like that. I am grateful that I was given the chance to know you, and I am proud to have you with me. I admire you as both a soldier and as a person.”

Kaze looked away, crossing his arms loosely over his chest, and the prince knew his words now couldn’t be heard over the heartless speech he had delivered to his father.

“I apologize, milord, but I’m late to tend to your brother this afternoon. I must be on my way,” Kaze mumbled, turning to leave.

“I’ve never known you to be a coward, Kaze. If you have something to say, then speak,” Xander demanded.

He suspected his words had cut deep, especially given the confusing nature of their relationship, but he didn’t yet know Kaze well enough to navigate those injuries or guess at their depth. The Hoshidan was made of walls and secrets to guard a heart not easily won. Xander hoped it was not easily lost, either.

Kaze’s expression remained perfectly, infuriatingly blank when he replied, “There is nothing beyond what I have already said. I have always known anything between us could not last.”

“Do you intend to desert me then?”

Xander didn’t say it, but Kaze heard the accusation the same as he had from his brother’s lips only weeks before.  _ Traitor _ .

“I will never forsake you or Lord Corrin,” Kaze swore solemnly. “If we survive this war, I will face my death at your hand without regrets.”

“And if I refuse to kill you?”

The ninja’s eyes slid shut. “Then I will gladly die to protect you from your father’s wrath.”

“I won’t allow you to throw your life away!” Xander growled. “We will find another way.”

“There is no other way, Lord Xander. My life has been forfeit ever since my first failure as a ninja. I am deeply moved that during the time I have borrowed, you have allowed me the great honor of being your friend.” For a moment, Xander swore that Kaze’s emotionless facade cracked to reveal a touch of the man underneath, wounded and lonely, but it was no more than a fleeting glimpse. “Now, I truly am late. If I might take my leave?”

Xander frowned but sighed his acceptance. He knew a hopeless battle when he saw one. Corrin had often warned his big brother that for all Kaze’s devotion and humility, his stubbornness when was not to be underestimated.

“Very well. But we will speak of this again,” Xander commanded. “You are important to me, Kaze. I do not intend to surrender you so easily.”

That was enough to earn him the barest hint of a smile as Kaze bowed and took his leave. “I would expect nothing less of the crown prince. I have faith in you, milord.”


	10. The Point of No Return - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post Chapter 25: Ryoma. Distraught from killing his twin and watching Ryoma commit suicide, Kaze seeks to distance himself from all but his duty. Xander offers comfort to the wounds he tries to hide.

“Lord Xander, you called for me?”

Xander’s already dour expression darkened as he studied the ninja who interrupted his thoughts. Kaze stood straight as ever, but his eyes had sunken deep into their sockets and a melancholy shrouded his movements. This day had not been kind to him.

“Have you eaten?” the prince demanded.

Kaze eyes fluttered at the unexpected question. “I...Not yet.”

“Please, sit. I had Peri prepare a second meal for you.”

He gestured to the table at his side which sported a plate filled with sweet breads and succulent meats - the feast of a victor. The mere sight of it turned Kaze’s stomach.

“Lord Xander, that is not necessary. I assure you that Lord Corrin...”

Xander didn’t let him finish, “Is so distraught over Prince Ryoma’s death that you have spent all day tending to his every need to assure he doesn’t drown in his grief. Even now, I assume you only left his side because Flora has taken your place.” 

The way Kaze silently took a seat and began to pick at the bread was all the answer Xander needed. Despite his dwindling hunger, brought low by bitter anguish, the ninja murmured a polite thank you between bites. Xander waited for him force some of the food down before trying to speak again.

“Now, the other matter I called you here for.” Kaze glanced up expectantly at the prince, who looked away to hide his discomfort. “How are…How...”

Xander stopped. ‘How are you doing?’ was a callous, ignorant question to ask at a time like this. Even thinking it disgusted himself.

The man in front of him, with a spirit of unbending steel but a tragically tender heart, had killed his twin. A twin who only aimed to avenge his lord as any retainer would, forcing Kaze to drive a blade into his gut to protect Lord Corrin. A twin that, Xander suspected, Kaze understood too little and loved too much.

Kaze wasn’t doing okay. He couldn’t be. 

More importantly, Xander knew there was no other soul in this army, save perhaps Corrin, who would both care enough about Kaze and hold enough of the ninja’s trust to be allowed close. And right now, Corrin was in no state to soothe his retainer.

“Milord?” Kaze questioned when Xander’s heavy palm fell on his shoulder.

With a face carved from stone, the crown prince finally found his voice, “I would say I am sorry for the part I have played in what transpired today, but we both know it was unavoidable. I can see plainly enough the toll you have paid. So I will only ask this: what can I do to ease your pain?”

“You have already done more than enough for me,” answered Kaze without hesitation. His head drooped over his half-eaten meal as the remainder of his meager appetite evaporated.

“I have not done nearly enough,” Xander countered, but there was little bite to his words.

The ninja laughed humorlessly in response, “There is no atonement for what I have done save death, and I cannot die as long as Lord Corrin needs me. You will ease my pain when you take my life at King Garon’s command after the white throne belongs to Nohr.”

That again. 

Xander had tried to push that conversation about Kaze’s future from his mind, furious at his impotence in the face of his father’s demands. Every word from his mouth that day was a desperate lie to stave off Kaze’s execution. Still, it had only bought them until the war’s end, which was now upon them.

As he was now, Kaze seemed to welcome the peace death would bring him, but Xander could not endure watching the strongest man he had ever befriended surrender to despair. The gentle touches and stolen kisses they had shared in their loneliness over the course of the invasion had fostered a fierce affection in the crown prince’s breast. He could bear to lose Kaze little more than he could his own siblings.

If he cared to closely examine his heart, perhaps he would call it love. But to Xander, all that mattered was Kaze’s preciousness to him and the precarious precipice on which the ninja stood. He would not allow Kaze to fall.

“I’ve told you before: it will not come to that, Kaze. I won’t allow it,” Xander asserted fiercely. The cool silence that followed pulled his frown deeper. “Is there truly nothing that would provide you some solace tonight? You may ask me for anything at all. Whatever you desire.”

Xander anticipated another staunch refusal, but when his gaze caught and held that of the ninja, a half-hitched breath and wave of tension flowed through Kaze under Xander’s hand.

“...Anything? Even if...Even if it is vastly inappropriate for me to ask of you?”

“Yes. Anything.”

“May I…” Kaze cleared his throat and took a shuddering breath. “May I lay with you tonight? I have no desire to be alone with my thoughts.” As if suddenly realizing who he was talking to, Kaze’s cheeks flushed and he ducked his head, speaking rapidly, “I know I have no right to ask, especially with my station and inexperience, but if I am to seek some physical comfort tonight, I would very much like it to be with you. Your father already believes us to have intimate relations, so I believe it should do little to harm your reputation.”

It took a moment for the prince to process Kaze’s flurry of words. Once he did, one tidbit stood out to him.

“Your inexperience? With men?” Xander inquired more forcefully than he intended.

“With anyone,” Kaze murmured, blushing even more brightly. Tentatively, his eyes darted up to the prince. “You are the only one who has ever kissed me, milord.”

Something warm and sharp shifted in Xander’s chest, and he surged forward to capture Kaze in a tight embrace. Their mouths caught in a longing, bittersweet kiss, more honest than any they had shared thus far.

“I would be honored to share this evening with you,” Xander whispered as he tucked a few stray hairs behind Kaze’s ear, a hint of a smile softening his features. “Allow me to shoulder some of your burden, at least for tonight.”


	11. The Point of No Return - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after. Roughly follows the events of [May the First Not Be the Last](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7276417).

When Xander first awoke, it was in pitch blackness to a cold bed, the same as he did almost every night. It took a few moments for his sluggish thoughts to discern why that felt vaguely disappointing. When the previous evening’s events replayed in his mind, Xander cracked open two sleepy, crimson eyes hoping for even the slightest sign that it hadn’t been a dream. 

Regardless of what had transpired, Kaze was assuredly back with Corrin by now, and a ninja of Kaze’s caliber wouldn’t leave a trace of his presence behind unless he wanted to. Even if prince’s memories were real, the chances of him finding any sign of the other in his room were slim.

He certainly wasn’t expecting to see Kaze curled up at the foot of the bed, head bowed to his knees. It seemed he hadn’t noticed Xander’s waking yet.

In the dim lighting of the tent, Xander watched how Kaze’s silhouette trembled and wondered whether it was his place to rise and comfort the other. They were friends, lovers even after last evening, but Xander was still the crown prince invading Kaze’s homeland. He was responsible for how the ninja’s proud shoulders slumped and his voice whispered fragmented Hoshidan under his breath - a language Kaze hadn’t dared utter in front of others since setting foot in the Nohrian army.

Xander shut his eyes again and honed in on the low syllables for any words he recognized. He’d learned Hoshidan in his studies as a child, but he’d had little reason to pursue it beyond military orders in recent years.

He still remembered the word for “brother”.

Under his pillow, Xander’s hand curled into a fist, and he willed himself back to sleep. He didn’t want to think about what it meant that Kaze chose Xander’s tent as safest place to grieve rather than Corrin’s or his own, nor did he want to know what assurances that they would be together soon Kaze was directing towards his twin. The shadows he called home would be witness enough.

Let Kaze preserve what dignity he could before the dark prince he unwisely adored. It was the only grace Xander, a fool who loved the doomed ninja in return, could show a broken and beloved man.

* * *

 

The second time Xander awoke, it was still dark, but his bed was no longer empty. He could feel curious hands playing with the long curls that had fallen across his face in slumber. They gently pulled at his ringlets and let the soft hairs spring back against Xander’s cheeks over and over again, almost meditative. He heard a familiar, smooth voice whisper in Hoshidan close enough that his breath tickled Xander’s skin. 

Kaze’s words were still nearly soundless, but their closeness made his meaning easier to discern. Even with Xander’s rough translation skills, he could follow the gist of the ninja’s thoughts. 

“ _ How can you be so strong and still so fair? It is a blessing to see you like this. At peace. It may be wrong, but I love you, Xander. I want to be close to you. I want to see the peaceful future you will build. I want…I want… _ ”

Xander almost opened his eyes when the words faded and Kaze’s hands stilled. He wondered how often Kaze whispered his heart’s desires into the darkness, silence his only companion.

Suddenly, a warm arm encircled Xander’s waist and silken tresses stroked his bicep when Kaze’s forehead came to rest there.

“ _ I want… _ ”

Kaze tightened around him, eyes squeezing shut as he pulled himself closer.

“ _ I want too much. _ ”

“Nonsense,” Xander rumbled in return. 

Kaze jolted away from him as if physically struck. The ninja struggled to find the common tongue again, stumbling over his apologies and excuses while he tried to harden his features into something serene, but Xander cut him off with a gentle hand on his shoulder. Kaze stilled like a terrified rabbit under the thoughtless stroking of Xander’s thumb against his skin.

“There is nothing wrong with wanting love or peace, Kaze.”

“It is not my place to…”

“Do not make me say it again,” Xander scolded, and the ninja fell silent. Realizing that was too harsh, Xander raised his hand to brush sage locks from Kaze’s nervous gaze and admitted, “I would give you both if it was within my power. I’m afraid all I have to offer is my fledgling love come too late.”

Kaze closed his eyes. “It is more than enough, Lord Xander.” He heaved an exhausted sigh, “And I’m sorry I could not keep my distance any longer. This love will bring you nothing but pain. I never wished to cause you nor Lord Corrin any heartache. It seems I will fail at that, as well.”

Xander’s brow furrowed into a practiced frown. “I swore I would find a way to stay your execution. Do not abandon hope. Not yet.” His hand gripped a little too tightly around Kaze’s chin, forcing the ninja to meet his stern gaze. “Please.”

But with the death of his country and family, how could any man dare to hope?

“I...I should be going. Your brother will need me,” Kaze mumbled in return. 

He ripped himself from Xander’s grip, only to be caught with the prince’s other arm and dragged in for a kiss he could not help but yield to. Against his better judgement, Kaze lingered to memorize the sensation of Xander’s lips against his, warm and solid and far too kind, while pressing back several aching vows of his own. Kaze wanted this, perhaps even needed it, with the same all-consuming certainty which hounded him when Corrin was kidnapped.

But this was not a prize awarded to traitors and oathbreakers. All he was allowed now, was duty.

Without another word, Kaze yanked himself free from the prince’s tempting embrace yet again. This time, Xander let him go. Kaze pretended he couldn’t feel the yearning, melancholy eyes boring into his back while he swiftly dressed and exited the tent.

As dawn broke, Kaze returned to his lord’s side to face the bloody destiny forged by his failures and betrayals.

Today, the white throne would fall.


	12. From the Ashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post-Endgame. The war now over, Kaze is suffering from survivors guilt. However, his king has not forgotten their time together.

So this would be his life, Kaze mused while folding Corrin’s clothing, wearing a frown that never seemed to leave his face these days. A broken and dishonored man, serving a prince whose unseemly optimism after causing the collapse of his homeland twisted the knife ever deeper in Kaze’s chest. 

Saizo, Ryoma, Takumi, Kagero - were their sacrifices in this pointless war to go unavenged? What of the countless soldiers slaughtered by Iago and his ilk? Even Kaze’s hands, dirtied by the blood of his own kin, would face no justice for their crimes. The newly crowned Xander had staved off his execution indefinitely with the passing of his ‘father’, instead publicly commending Kaze for his service in ending the conflict which ravaged both nations.

King Xander…

Though they had shared a bed before their final march on the Hoshidan throne, Kaze had kept his distance from the king during the aftermath, using his duties as Corrin’s retainer to occupy all his waking hours. Every time Xander tried to hold his gaze during official meetings, their last words to each other forced Kaze’s eyes away. 

Love, Xander had said. Impossible. 

It had to be impossible, even if some mornings, before the break of Nohr’s tarnished dawn, Kaze swore he could taste the echo of Xander’s heartbreak on his lips from that first and last night together. The flavor was rich yet bitter, much like the finest Nohrian cuisine. Kaze hated how the foreign decadence excited him. His fingers danced over his body those mornings, remembering the drag of rough hands and whisper of reverent words while he chased a relief he didn't deserve. It was confirmation his heart remained that of a traitorous beast.

The royal summons came months after the fall of Hoshido. 

It had been long enough that Kaze’s avoidance finally caught his liege’s attention. Corrin delivered the news in a commanding tone that brooked no argument, more like his elder brother than himself. It was better that way. Kaze hated how Corrin’s smile waned every time the ninja found an excuse to avoid his siblings.

Kaze entered the room in silence at the appointed time. Gaze fixed on the cold stone before the Nohrian throne, Kaze dropped to a knee before the king. It was too quiet in here with just the two of them, too empty beneath vaulted ceilings and ornate archways. 

Kaze’s mind wandered to the last time he’d been forced to kneel before the king of Nohr. There was a fear of death in his bones back then, the metallic bite of blood on his tongue, and shame rattling in his lungs upon seeing Corrin. This time, only the shame remained. Shame and a morbid curiosity if his execution that day would have seen a different end to this war.

“Kaze,” Xander’s baritone rumbled from above him. There was an order buried in that iron voice, one that any in the army would submit to without question if they valued their hides.

Kaze remained silent, head bowed.

“Kaze, look at me.”

Clenching his jaw to keep his expression blank as he’d been taught, Kaze deliberately raised impassive violet eyes to meet the king’s. They were more striking than he remembered, blood-red and intense beneath a furrowed brow. It came as no surprise to Kaze that he wore the crown well though it sat heavy upon golden curls. Xander had always been suited for rule.

Seeing Xander like this, with his potential fully realized and every bit the king Kaze hoped he would become, coaxed out another unwanted emotion in Kaze’s breast. Longing.

“Were you ever planning to speak to me again?” Xander asked. His scowl was not unkind, but it revealed nothing of his intentions.

“No.” 

A simple, decisive answer. Kaze didn't want to hear what traitorous sentiments might slip past his own lips if he spoke freely. In the yawning silence, the ninja could pretend he didn't waver.

“I see.” The sound Xander made might have been a scoff or a chuckle, Kaze wasn't sure. “Then, do you hate me?”

This time there was a pause, but Kaze’s answer remained firm. “...No.”

Xander’s frown softened. He gestured for Kaze to stand and approach the throne. Mechanically, Kaze complied, praying the king couldn’t sense the racing of his heart. When he at last stood at the base of the steps that led to Xander’s grand seat, the king stood and descended to meet him. 

Even without the added height, he seemed to loom above Kaze, an intimidating conqueror more symbol than flesh. Then Xander lifted his hand to brush Kaze’s cheek and the spell shattered. It left behind a man who Kaze had convinced himself only existed in his troubled dreams. The one he had shared his body with that singular, unforgettable evening. The same who stole his heart without his consent.

“I know this must be agonizing for you. It may never get easier,” Xander muttered. His thumb stroked along the ninja’s high, delicate cheekbones. “But I cannot leave things like this. If you truly intend to stay away, I will respect your wishes, but I want a proper farewell.”

Kaze wasn't prepared for the kiss. It was slow, soulful, and as bittersweet as it was deep. Beneath its yearning, he crumbled, the walls protecting his heart no more than sand blown away by the wind.

Unthinking, Kaze returned the gesture. Again and again he sought out Xander’s lips, even when his freely flowing tears turned them salty. Only Xander’s gentle hand in his hair, guiding him away, stopped Kaze’s desperate bid for freedom from the ache in his chest. His breath heaved as he stared down the king with bloodshot eyes.

He didn't want to say goodbye. He didn't want to lose another loved one by his hand.

“Kaze…” Xander’s voice was only a whisper.  “Will you stay with me?”

Just this once, he wanted to be selfish.

“Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Months later, it's finally done. This was an absolute doozy to put together since I wanted to remain canon-compliant and hit as many chapters as possible, but I hope you all enjoyed. For those who made it this far, thanks for reading!


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